Saving Grace
by AquilaTempestas
Summary: There's no cure but death itself.


**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke

**Title**

Saving Grace

**Summary**

There's no cure but death itself.

**Note**

So I did have this uploaded as part of 'Desirable' but I decided it looked a bit strange having a drabble chapter then this. Small changes have been made but nothing major.

**.**

"Come on Sam, talk to me!"

Don't look at him, don't look at him, thought Sam. But try as he might, the Devil's presence could not be ignored. Lucifer marched up to Sam and sat before him. "Leave me alone..." Sam said, through clenched teeth.

Lucifer placed a hand over his heart and faked a dramatic sigh. "You don't like me anymore? But I thought we were friends," he said.

Sam glared at him. "I never liked you."

"Now Sam, friendship is a two way street. We can't be friends if you hate me."

"I don't want to be your friend," Sam snarled.

Lucifer sighed, stood up from the opposite bed and snapped his fingers. A ring of fire enclosed Sam as blood leaked from the ceiling and onto the floor. Sam winced, feeling the heat of the flames on his flesh. Lucifer drew closer to Sam, his breath brushing against Sam's skin. "Hate me all you want Sammy, I'm not going anywhere." His words were laced with venom, and Sam knew he spoke true.

Sam tried pressing the wound on his palm, but Lucifer did not disappear. He tried again, desperate to free himself from the Devil, but Lucifer remained, standing before him a smirk plastered on his face. He enjoyed watching Sam suffer; the torment on his face was entertainment for him. "Please..." Sam mumbled under his breath trying to keep his voice steady.

"Sam, your words hurt me." Sam sighed and looked at the Devil. His arms were crossed over his chest, his blue eyes glowing with black fire. "We're bunk buddies Sam, like we were in hell. Do you remember all the fun we had down there?"

He didn't want to remember, but his memories were vivid. He remembered screaming in agony as Lucifer and Michael lashed at his soul, shredding it into pieces. Even Adam, his half-brother, joined in the fun, venting his frustrations on Sam for everything that had happened to him. He winced at the memories. He would never share his hell memories with anyone, not even his brother. "I don't want to remember." Sam placed his hands on his knees, gripping them tightly trying to stop them from shaking.

Lucifer sighed. "Kill yourself then."

Sam frowned. "What?"

The Devil shrugged his shoulders. "You said you don't want to remember anything, death will solve that easily. If you can't kill yourself, then find someone who can," he stated calmly. "Come on Sam, you're smart. You should know this already."

Death. He had died before, several times in fact but he always came back. This time it would be permanent. A permanent solution to a permanent problem. All he had to do was pull the trigger and this endless torment would end. There was no life for him now. He could never return to Stanford and study to become a lawyer. He could never settle down and raise a family of his own in his current condition. Death suddenly seemed inviting.

"I'll be rooting for you," Lucifer said, winking. "Kill yourself, kill yourself Sammy!" He stopped cheering, his expression turning serious. "Ask your brother."

Dean. Would he do the deed? Sam didn't think he could. He remained silent considering his options. If Dean failed to kill him, he'd kill himself. Ignoring a grinning Lucifer, Sam stood up from his bed and headed into the kitchen to find his brother. He didn't have to search for long. Dean was sitting on the lounge chair watching something that suspiciously sounded like Asian porn.

"Dean, we need to talk."

Dean's attention turned away from the screen. "What's the problem Sam?" He picked up the remote and hit the mute button. Normally, he'd lecture Sam about not interrupting his porn watching sessions but nowadays, Sam's mental state took priority.

Sam walked over to the lounge chair and sat down next to his brother. "Dean..." Sam said, looking directly into his brother's eyes. "I need you to do something for me," he added, in between gasps.

Dean nodded eyes wide and alert. Sam didn't look like his brother anymore. His eyes were dull and lifeless, his breathing ragged and his passion for life seeming almost gone. "What do you want me to?"

Sam opened his mouth to speak, before falling forward into Dean's open arms. The lack of sleep was taking a toll on his physical and mental health. "I need... you to... kill me..." he replied softly.

His heart skipped a beat. "Kill you?" Dean asked, followed by forced laughter. He knew about Sam's problems with Lucifer, but he hadn't suspected they would be this bad.

Sam nodded and struggled to regain his composure. With assistance from Dean, he managed to stand on his feet swaying slightly. "I can't sleep and I can barely eat without him taunting me, Dean." He looked at his brother with pleading eyes hoping he would understand. "Dad always said you either had to kill me or save me Dean... this is how." His eyes were sincere, but Dean knew deep down there was fear.

"I can't Sammy..." He couldn't kill his brother. They were family.

"You have to otherwise I'll continue to suffer."

Dean had faced many difficult decisions before in the past, such as letting Sam take in Lucifer and jump into the pit. Once again he was faced with letting go of his brother for good. No one would save Sam this time, not even God himself. "You're my brother Sam. We'll find a way to fix this, I promise." He tried to sound strong.

Sam shook his head. "There's no cure for me but death itself, Dean."

Dean's response was stern. "I won't do it. There's been too much death. I can't afford to lose you either."

"But Dean..."

"No Sam. I won't have you die on me again."

Sam opened his mouth to protest more, but was ignored. Dean turned the sound back on and continued to watch is program while Sam headed back to his room. Lucifer was waiting for him on the bed, a bemused expression on his face. "He said no. Looks like you'll have to do it yourself then." He pointed to the first drawer on the bedside table. "The gun is in there."

Without acknowledging Lucifer, Sam wandered over the table and pulled open the drawer. His eyes fell on the deadly weapon used by Dean. It was a Colt M1911AI, a stainless steel gun with an engraved slide and ivory grips. He had used such a gun many times before, but never on himself. "There's a first time for everything," he mumbled, picking up the gun.

"You can't walk back out into the lounge Sam, Dean will stop you," Lucifer pointed out. He jerked his head towards the window. "Climb through the window."

Sam nodded. With caution he opened the window and climbed outside without making a noise. Drawing attention to himself would be a mistake. Lucifer followed him through the window grinning as if he had wiped out the human race. Outside, a dark mass of clouds stretched across the sky. Looks like rain, thought Sam. The gun already loaded, Sam lifted it up and brought it to his forehead.

.

Dean's program came to an end. With nothing to watch anymore, he decided to confront Sam and discuss other ways of coping with his hallucinations. He stood up from the couch and called for Sam. No response. He knew Sam couldn't be asleep, but he checked the room anyway. Upon entering, he noticed the bedside table drawer was open. Realization dawned upon him. Panic gripped his mind. His eyes darted towards the open window. "Sam..."

Without sparing another thought, he climbed through the window and ran outside, calling his brother's name out aloud. Still no response. A terrifying thought formed in his mind. Had Sam decided to take his own life instead? There was no time to think. He had to find Sam quickly and stop him before he did anything rash.

As he searched, droplets of rain started to fall from the dark clouds above. He shuddered, but continued to search. Soon he found what he was looking for. His eyes widened. There was Sam standing underneath a dead tree, a gun pointing into his forehead. "SAM!" He rushed forward through the rain, not caring at all about the wet. "SAMMY!" he shouted again, his voice cracking.

Sam glanced over his shoulder and smiled, for the first time in many months. "Take care yourself Dean," he replied, as his fingers pulled the trigger. BANG! He dropped to the floor.

"NOOOOOOO!" A heart wrenching sea of emotion overcame him. It was as if it was happening in slow motion. He ran towards Sam, screaming at the top of his lungs.

But it was too late.

Sam was dead and he wasn't coming back. Not this time.

He dropped to his knees and held Sam's body upright. Showing emotion wasn't something he made a habit of doing, but tears rolled down his cheeks as he held his brother in his arms. He made a pact to his father to keep an eye on Sam. But he failed. He had always failed. He couldn't save Sam from Jake. He couldn't save Sam from demon blood addiction. He couldn't save Sam from Lucifer. He couldn't save Sam from himself. "Sammy..." Another tear rolled down his cheek and landed on Sam's face.

Sam was free from misery; free from the life of a hunter, free from Lucifer himself. He had finally found peace, but it wasn't the ending he had expected. The life of a hunter was a dangerous one death was never too far away, but suicide? He never suspected it. Now he was once again alone. No Bobby. No Castiel. Not even Lisa would be there for him. Everyone close to him had died or left.

He hung his head down and let more tears slip.

Rain continued to fall.

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As always, reviews much appreciated. Thanks for reading : D


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